This is our second Christmas without Mikey. I miss him so much!
It’s so hard because I always have to be present for the ones right before me, but the ache and pain in my heart is always there. The anguish continues to well up inside of me. I never ever want anyone to forget him. I so desperately want his amazing legacy of love to live on. Christmastime is my favorite time of the year, and my heart breaks to not have him here.
As we sat around the Christmas table, I asked each family member to raise a glass to toast Mikey Kullman……Oh dear Jesus, it was so hard. But, as I looked around me, I saw ten people right in front of me that my soul loves, who are present with me. And soon our family will have a new member. Little Leonardo will enter this world in February or March of 2021.
I’m currently sitting in front of my fireplace with a lovely fire burning while staring at our beautiful tree, painfully aware that Mikey is no longer here. As I sit here, I realize that exactly two years ago today, December 26th of 2018, I had a beautiful, in depth conversation with my son, sitting face to face with him in front of this same fireplace. How could it be that only one week later he was gone? Now, while looking ahead, I realize that each New Year I will be reminded of the hardest days I have ever encountered, because Mikey passed away January 4th, 2019. But, as I look ahead, I realize that I have so many around me that I love and that love me. I have so much richness in my life that warrants my attention. This ache will always be there for Mikey, and I can never move on, but I can move forward.
I can move forward to love those around me now, I can move forward to be present for those around me now, and I can move forward to make a difference in the world around me, to always let people know that they matter.
My hope and desire as I move into the New Year of 2021 is that there will truly be beauty from these ashes. I love you Mikey, you will never be forgotten!
Apply to My Life: Psalm 118:24 “This is the day which the Lord has made; Let’s rejoice and be glad in it.”
My Thought to Ponder: Although my heart will always ache for my son, and I won’t ever move on from missing him, I will move forward to live my life for today and to love those around me!